SICKA THAN AVERAGE

Mama Mia!

If you're anything like me (a die-hard sneaker head with the stacked cardboard boxes and designated "sneaker cleaning" toothbrush to prove it), you probably spend a lot of time whining about how women get the short end of the stick when it comes to kicks (wait, that last bit rhymed...weird). Anyway, after taking a few devastating trips to Training Camp, Champs, Foot Locker and my secret sneaker spots in the BX (I might put y'all on to them, but you gotta ask nicely! ha!), where I searched for some hot sneakers only to find them in ginormous (as in giant + enormous) sizes in the friggin' men's section and, of course, not available in boys' sizes (as in not even made in boys' sizes), I searched through my e-mails and -- drumroll, please -- there it was!!! My homies at Adidas (shout-out to Kristen and Kari) gave me the heads-up on the new-new isht from Adidas' hot-to-death Remix collection: the limited-edition (only 500 pairs available in the U.S.) Adidas X ProMama, featuring the first-ever ladies-only Remix silhouette (how ya like us now, fellas?! Doesn't feel good to be left out in the cold, right? Well, too bad!)

The hi-top sneaker is hard enough to make you keep your 'hood flynesss (it's black-and-white with no cutesy, frilly trims or pastel colored details, and its round, ridged toe looks like that of the classic Adidas shelltoes, giving it that rooted-in-hip-hop flavor) but, at the same time, it's got many a feminine twist. For one, the ProMama is made from a quilted fabric bearing a heart pattern-- you actually have to look closely to see the hearts, but that's sort of the point: keeping it girly without being over-the-top. It also has a gold "Mama" lace holder, giving it yet another bit of oomph. My favorite detail, though, is the one white heart on the back of the shoe -- it's subtle but it brings the whole thing home.

And before you start asking about whether Lil' Mama designed this beauty, let me set y'all straight. This sleek sneaker was designed by Gabriella Davi-Khorasanee (whose lip gloss might be poppin' too, but who didn't write or rap on the song); she is, however, the founder of Mama, a buzzed-about streetwear line, and the co-founder of online fashion magazine M.I.S.S.

Oh, and if the kicks aren't enough to cure your fix, Adidas is also rolling out more Mama-designed goodies: a New Era lace-print hat, a heart-quilted hoodie and track suit, and a "Mama" nameplate necklace (hey, everybody's somebody's "mama").

Now, let me regain my composure and wipe the drool off my keyboard (yes, these shoes got me open!). The point: go cop these bad boys before they sell out.

Sneakers retail for $100. Visit http://www.digitalgravel.com or http://www.krudmart.com to purchase.

Hello Brooklyn

If you go crazy whenever Jay-Z shouts out his native borough (reality check, people: he ain't in Marcy and Poppa Knowles wouldn't let his precious baby girl go anywhere near there), then you'll absolutely love this Brooklyn Bridge Cushion, made by Maison de Vacances. The 12" x 8" pillow features the word "Go" over a black backdrop and, within the confines of each letter, we get a straight-ahead view of the Brooklyn Bridge. The effect is pretty spectacular: lookers-on feel like they're actually on the Bridge, swerving in between traffic, the steely sides of the bridge looming in your peripheral vision. It's a little pricey but, if you've got that much borough loyalty, you may want to invest.

$105 per pillow. Visit http://www.viamarisnyc.com

Downward Facing Dog

Nowadays, everyone practices some form of yoga (or at least claims to!) -- which means if you own a sports bra, you probably own a yoga mat too (unless you're completely and totally flat-chested in which case a) that analogy sucks and b) I'm sorry if I offended you and your itty bitties).

Which is not to say you're actually familiar with the Lotus position or the Mermaid stretch. After all, you may be using the yoga mat as a "Welcome" mat outside your front door or as a fake pile rug to cushion your fat ass while you sit on your hardwood floor and eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's in front of the living room TV (oh, wait, that's not you -- that's me!). In any case, the point is you went out and bought one.

So, assuming you're like most gals and you do the whole gym thing, you'll probably want to look somewhat put together while working out. I mean, let's be real -- even if you don't go overboard and put on make-up to work out (yes, some women do take it that far), it's a competition up in there... Try as you might to just concentrate on "strengthening your core," you're gonna attempt to stretch your leg higher than the next person, wear sharper clothes, and maybe even have a yoga mat that's funky and a bit of a conversational piece (because who doesn't want to stand out from the fray?).

Which is where these Kimpton Style yoga mats come in, with their fun, lifelike designs -- the "Plank" version is designed to look like a piece of wood with a crumbled muffin near the bottom edge; the "Cobra" model features a sneaky little snake lurking in the grass.

Both are eco-friendly, so that means they're PVC, latex, and rubber free, plus they're biodegradable and recyclable. Kimpton Style donates all proceeds from the sale of these mats to the Trust for Public Land Fund, so that's even more of an incentive for you to dazzle 'em at the next yoga class.

$98 each; Visit http://www.kimptonstyle.com

Street Savvy

The packaging for this new line of hair products, New York Streets, was the first thing that drew my attention (yes, let's be real -- if it comes in the right package, it WILL stick out on store shelves). Some of these (particularly the forming gel, condition mist and volume foam) come in brightly colored canisters fashioned to look a bit like spray cans -- a twist I personally love since it captures a part of NYC street culture, giving the name of the line some weight and validity.

Each of these products -- from the conditioner to the volume foam and styling gel -- incorporates illustrations of NYC dwellers and, together, they make for a nice canvas that depicts both the diversity and the vibrant energy of the Big Apple. On one product, there's a drawing of a hoodie-wearing black girl (Nicole) sitting on the steps of a brownstone with her man (Sean), on another, a sketch of a stylish blonde girl (Emily), etc. The interesting twist: they're all characters based on real people, and they have jobs, likes/dislikes and, of course, their very own signature products. If you log on to the company's website (http://newyork-streets.com), you can see actual photographs of the models after whom these products were fashioned, along with bits of info on them. Emily, for example, is a freelance photographer who likes tattoos and snowboarding; her product of choice is the liquid shine (the bottle of which features an illustration of her). Nicole, meanwhile, is an actress who loves French culture; her signature products is the volume foam (side note: she kind of looks like Teyana Taylor, Pharrell's new artist). And there's a girl named Traci who I think is supposed to be Mexican since her favorite things are "cowboy boots and Mexican food" (yeay stereotypes! lol) but, they left that one a little open-ended (I'm gonna choose to believe she's Latina because, well, I hate when they leave us out! lol)

Packaging aside, these products actually have a little kick to them. The volume foam is my favorite thus far -- it adds definition and bounce to curly hair without weighing it down or making it overly oily.

Clean, $15. Conditioner, $17. Design paste, $17. Forming gel, $17. Hairspray, $19. Liquid Shine, $24. Volume Foam, $20. Visit http://newyork-streets.com for buying info.

Straight Thuggery

On March 27th, Kid Robot will unveil Frank Kozik's latest line of limited-edition miniature vinyl toys, The Chumps. The tag line for the series is "if you can't do the time, don't do the crime," which sums it up pretty nicely. This series is all about animal (yes, pigs, worms, rabbits, etc) low-lifes who are ready to carjack, shoplift, start a melee, and partake in all sorts of recklessness -- and, when they do, you can lock 'em up (meaning you can buy the imprisoned versions of them).

Me, I'm not about to celebrate prison (no po-po loving up in here), so I'll just enjoy collecting the 13-real world thieves and have my own little band of robbers. There's a pudgy bear with a safe loaded with cash (clearly not his), a stubbly cat with a pirate-like getup who walks around with a lead pipe (don't think he's a plumber), and more. And, those of you who support our penal system can get the 12 inmate varieties, which all come with a striped uniform and ball-and-chain.

And hey, you ain't gotta spend bail-type money to get these dudes home. It's just $7.95 each. So start getting your money right!

$7.95 each; Visit http://www.kidrobot.com

Alice in Payless Wonderland

I almost did Betsey Johnson-esque cartwheels down 42nd Street when I saw these green wedges by the Payless Shoe Source display window. They looked like sour apple Jolly Ranchers (but for my feet, of course... Which reminds me -- does anybody remember reading an interview where Lil' Kim said that, during her time in the Big House, another inmate made her a stiletto out of Jolly Ranchers? How bugged out would that be!! ). But the point is I HAD to get 'em -- even more so when my eyes darted upward, and I saw the huge sign announcing that these were part of a limited edition run courtesy of designers Alice & Olivia (who make some of the flirtiest shirts and dresses). Yes, ladies (and cross-dressing men), you can now buy some bangin' shoes from Payless!

It's funny because, back in the day, I abhorred going to Payless (but had no chocie, since my fam was broke...) Their shoes used to pinch in the weirdest places... Plus, I had one particularly scarring experience when I went to a junior prom in a pair of black Payless pumps, and the rubber soles scuffed the floors of the school auditorium, leaving this black trail on the tiles -- all these rich kids at the school laughed at me (those bastards!) and needless to say, I refused to step foot (no pun intended) inside a Payless store for years.

But hey, I'm friggin' old now, the scars have healed, and most importantly, Payless has stepped its game way up. First, there was Abaete (their boots were really sleek and classic), Lela Rose (not my steez, but there were some sensible and cute joints in there), and then Patricia Field (who released two styles that were beynd amazing: a black-and-silver platform sandal and suede ankle boots with gravity-defying heels. Pat Field really took it to the next level and now, bam! -- here comes Alice & Olivia, killin' em with these shoes.

Aside from the bright green wonders, I also really loved the black patent leather oxfords (imagine wearing those with leggings and a cute mini dress for this jazzy, '80s lover-meets-b-girl look). Other styles include ballet slippers with oversized polka dots on 'em.

$40 for green wedges. $30 for black oxfords. Available at select Payless stores while supplies last.